What is happening?

WatchForBikes
Has the world gone mad?

Remember the days when you didn’t have to carry the bike path with you?
BikePath

When a simple ride just meant discouraging pursuing suitors?
tumblr_mpvplqDqFE1rj9arjo1_1280

Or zombies?
halloween-560x427

Sadly, life is now more complicated. For my birthday I received a book of The Rules.
TheRules
There are 93 of them (here). Sock height is critical, Eddy is the prophet, etc.

“...For thine is the big ring,
and the power, and the glory,
for Eddy and ever.
A-Merckx.

Stuff like this isn’t allowed:
shorts

Nor this:
Manlini2

Remember James was going to distribute special cards to such offenders? Someone is already out there:
HotCard

Actually the Mankinis are great. Promoting high visibility in the “Have a Good Look” campaign inspired by the Amy Gillett Foundation (here).
Manlini1
The added bonus is that you get instant sharp tan lines (rule #7).
Not everyone has the time to cultivate these:
Camille-McMillan-Thomas-Löfkvist-560x380
Or these:
TanLines

Which brings us to the male equivalent of VPL. Yes: MCT (male camel-toe). Look, no-one wants to talk about these sorts of things so I’ll just alert you to the fact that the problem has been solved by Assos after many years of research.
The breakthrough involved an advanced chamois innovation called (in Assoslish) a “Kuku penthouse”.
KuKuPenthouse1

With a special pouch. Innovation doesn’t come cheap and when released it will be the world’s most expensive bib-shorts, at US$519. Review here.
Thankfully, it will be available in stores by December, just in time for this year’s Epic. I did look at the female offerings, but it seems the VPL problem can be solved at a much lower price:
Assos
But you gotta admit, Assos really nails the names (remember the 13 levels of manga.Yio?): you are looking at a TB.LaalalLai FI.Lady S5 bib short. By the way, surely they’re more of a skinsuit? Like this:
tumblr_maev48ykba1qz6ktho1_500
Mein Gott, diese Beine!

OK, lets summarize. Least you think cycling is just about putting your life in danger, blindly adhering to tribal rules, solving expensive non-existent problems and physical deformity. Well, you’d be right, but to this we must also add attitude and beauty.

Attitude:
ZebraSuit

attitude:
910568fe9030d639cbf76741c3c0cdd6

attitude:
Stretching

attitude:
734340_392597620834785_594497612_n

Beauty (you need to click on these):
Norway1

beauty:
Norway2

Like:

Norway – No cars and all that North Sea oil money to build roads (here).

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