We have to talk about FB

FB#notoffebay, #sexysteelmaybeitalian

And no, I’m not talking about FaceBag. There are many, far more profitable[1] ways to spend time staring at a computer screen. More pressing for the next epic, we need to talk about Frame Bags. What’s there not to like?
FB2(You do have where you’re putting your ice-axe sorted, don’t you?)

It’s time for us to enter the world of Ultra Saddle Bags. Consider the ViscachaTM [2] from Revelate (an innovative company from Alaska).

Now I don’t know much about this company, but I’m happy to “save money” by investing in their product. I get the impression they don’t sell a lot in Australia[4]. This is the way they are trying to sell it:

The Viscacha™ (vis-KA-cha) does it all. This is the go-to seat bag for all trips!
Carbon seatpost friendly & ST Thudbuster compatiable.
Weight: 13.8 oz Volume: 6 to 14 L

I can forgive the mixed imperial/metric units, but the specs just doesn’t mean much to the average Aussie. 14L is wayyy bigger than a slab (24 x 375mL =) 9L. “Can easily take a slab of beer” – and you immediately know that it’s… big. Location specific advertising.

What else do our friends from Revelate offer?[5] What about a “Saltly Roll“.
revelate-25-1Handy for accessing a large baguette that has different fillings at each end.

What about an insulated bidon chamber?
FB3 Sure, it’s actually meant to keep your bidons from freezing, but it could be adapted for Australian conditions. A matrix of sizes that can fit everyone.

It also has a hydration exit port.
(However, I’m pretty sure Tony Abbot invented something like this years ago in his submersible[6])

The attentive would now be asking “What are those big puffy things at the end of the handle-bars?” Missed them? They are huge!

These are called “Pogies”[7]

They are like Ultra Epic built-in gloves. These pogies are for day to day use:
revelate-34-2(btw, don’t bother bringing a kick-stand to Alaska.)
And these pogies are the expedition model:
revelate-33-2Nice and toasty.

If you’re looking for the most versatile, warmest, most fully featured pogies available you’ve found them.

These Pogies are made with warmth and functionality for riding extended periods and days at sub zero temps. The shape of the mitt are asymetrically cut, they follow your arm’s downward bend and match the relaxed position of high sweep flat bars. The tops are cut longer than the bottoms to overlap slightly preventing snow from entering and enables the pogie to be closed with the bivy clip.

A foam plug on the bars stops drafts from entering at the cable exit. A large gusseted pocket on each side hangs below your hands providing quick access to head / neck layers, headlamps, chemical heat packs, food etc.

The wrist gasket is made from 2 layers of Polartec Wind-Pro fleece too keep those nasty tail winds at bay as you cross the last frozen lake of the day.

Massive gusseted bottom pocket for storage.
Rated from -9 (liners removed) to -45oC.

Yes, you deserve them.

And yes, you did read correctly, there is a massive pocket inside the gloves, so you can “do stuff” without taking your hands out of your gloves.

For example, you could even use it as a portable darkroom to develop photo-graphs that you could then directly mail to people while you were actually on an expedition.

FB4It’s the future.

1. “Profitable” – in a bike sense – is the ability to save money by spending money. I have saved $1000s in this manner.
2. Viscachas[3] are rodents of two genera (Lagidium and Lagostomus) in the family Chinchillidae. They are closely related to chinchillas, and look similar to rabbits, apart from their longer tails.200px-Bolivian_vizcacha
3. Wikipedia
4. But I am here to rectify this.
5. Postage can be saved by buying more. Another way to profit.
6. Details are highly secret, but one can get the gist of it here:
7. Wikipedia: Coincidentally (or maybe not), two submarines of the United States Navy have been named USS Pogy, after the pogy (or menhaden), a widely harvested but little-known fish.[8]
8. The Pogy or “Menhaden” derives from a Native American word for fertilizer. It is generally thought that Pilgrims were advised by Squanto to plant the fish with their corn crops.

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